Subway Stories

Mars is totally in retro-grade.

I never was a big believer in that whole planetary-motion notion (don't get me wrong, the first thing I read in "Glamour" is my horoscope), but now I'm a believer.

Crazy sh*t is happening.

Within one hour of waiting for, and subsequently boarding, the B-train home the other night, I was privy to overhear both of these conversations:

1)

Obvious semi-mentally unwell woman to poor clerk who runs the magazine/candy stand on the Rockefeller Center Station platform: 

Woman: "Five packets of Tylenol PM."

Clerk: (goes to get the meds) "That'll be $3.50, ma'am."

Woman: (gives Clerk a $5)

Clerk: (goes to get her change)

Woman: GIVE ME MY CHANGE! MY CHANGE!

Clerk: (just stares at her, like, lady, that's exactly what I'm doing right now.)

Woman: "You give me my change. Stop clownin' (as in, clowning around.)! Stop your clownin'! You think you such a clown."

(Now, other people start taking notice. Not because it would be odd to see an actual clown on the subway, but because we worried this woman would jump over the counter and start strangling the poor clerk who was approximately 1/3 her size).

The clerk gets her change to her as quickly as he can, and she tells him once again what a clown he is.... "You always playin' the clown with me. Stop clownin'!" Finally satisfied that she has made him realize the error of his "clownin'" ways, she puts her change and Tylenol away, takes two steps, and then turns back to him and with gusto yells, "THE CIRCUS IS OVER, P.T. BARNUM!"

Hysterical.

At this point, I stop thinking of this woman as straight-up crazy because she just gave me a new, hilarious, snarky and brilliant "final word." If you're half as sarcastic as I am, you'll appreciate this.  If someone is acting a fool, quite simply remind them the circus is over. That'll surely show them.

2) 

While still silently laughing about Tylenol PM Hoarder telling off the mute Clerk, I had the great opportunity of sitting right next to a couple that was completely HAMMERED. They apparently had stayed at the guy's workplace happy hour far past the time they had both agreed to leave. The woman, who had a hard time keeping her head up, was furious at her boyfriend, who, also semi-concisous, had taken her Chap-Stick from her and thrown it across the street.

I felt this girl's pain because I myself am a Chap-Stick addict... hell, I would have left his sorry-self and headed across the street to retrieve it... but, I guess that never crossed her mind...

Girlfriend: "WHY??? WHY did you do that? (head bobs around for a minute) You.....you know how much I need my Chap-Stick! Why did you throw it across the road??!!"

Boyfriend: (doesn't speak, but looks like he knows he's in deep shit, then proceeds to fumble through his pants pockets and reveals HIS Chap-stick for her to use).

Girlfriend: "That's not the cherry kind you, a**hole!!!"

(agreed, Cherry is the superior Chap-Stick)

She resigns to the fact that her Cherry Chap-Stick is long gone, she has to get up for work in 4 hours and that her boyfriend is an idiot, and falls asleep on his shoulder. 

Adorbs. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And, in addition to all of this, opossums are now riding the D-Train:

I wish I were kidding.

Grrrrrreat.

~~~~~~~

-B.

Snow-my-god it's freezing.

COLD

I grew up in Minnesota. 

I survived the Halloween Blizzard of '91 (although my princess costume sustained some significant water damage).

I've slipped on ice a bajillion times and can still laugh at myself.

I put my car in the ditch FOUR times last winter... all in one day. (That takes talent, people.)

However, saying all that, I'm finding it HARD to get up enough courage to venture outside in New York's finally-arrived winter.

The cold here is BRUTAL. Even though my iPhone claims the temperature has never dipped in negative digits, I'm convinced it's a dirty liar.
And, I've decided I live on a street that seconds as a arctic air wind tunnel.
I have found myself re-watching the Hawaiian-set episodes of "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" (which I'm unashamedly obssessed with), just to stay mentally warm.

However, I saw my first snow of the year a couple of days ago, and it made me happy. So, I guess I can stop complaining. 

Another thing that made this week a little warmer? Spotting my neighbor Kevin Bacon.

Yes, I was heading out of the cleaner's with my laundry (I ALWAYS see celebs whilst with laundry.....) and he was standing on the corner waiting to cross the street. He's quite small in person, and one could easily overlook him on the street. But, I'd been on the look-out even since I knew he lived in the neighborhood, so I was pretty pumped. I feel like I spotted some endangered species or something.... now I just need Bonnie Smith to head over to this coast so we can start our 24-hour surveillance of him.

Just kidding...... Kind of.

CUT

Yes. My much-anticipated debut as a background "actress" was a bust.

The scene I did in the restaurant for "Law & Order" was cut, but I'm banking on being seen on this week's episode (airing on Wed. night on NBC!) with Harry Connick Jr (because NO one is going to cut a scene with Harry Connick in it, right?? Say a little prayer...)

Anyways, if you see a Pam Beasley-looking receptionist through the window of the D.A.'s conference room, it's likely me. I did a lot of filing that day ;)

CATCH UP

So, what else am I up to these days.... Well, I worked again last week on "Blue Bloods." I was up at 4am, on the train to the shoot location at 5am and then 9 hours later I was back in bed trying to defrost from filming outside. UGH. But, hey, it's a pay check, right?

This week I'm backing off the TV stuff for a bit, and focusing more on my up-coming theater auditions. I've started regular voice lessons again (didn't realize how much I missed those...), am searching for new monologues to use (didn't realize how much I HATE those....) and have a few meetings with industry pros this week. 

I hope your week is off to a great start, despite being knee-deep in this winter nonsense.

I'll be back soon!

-B 

Swoon-worthy

I worked on "Law & Order: SVU" again this past Thursday.

The holding room was the jail cell set. 

So, I sat "behind bars" for a good chunk of the day.....

....dressed in various Pam Beasley-inspired costumes.

Exhibit A:

(Yes, I felt like a total geek in my sweater sets, but the awesome lunch they gave us pretty much made up for that so I forgive them.)

I played one of the receptionists in the District Attorney's office..... and who played the D.A.?

HARRY. CONNICK. Jr.

I about fell off my office chair when he smiled at me.

In case you're wondering... YES. He's just as adorable in person. :)

New Year, New Age, New Adventures

Happy 2012, my dear readers! I trust you all had a wonderful holiday season, and properly rung in the new year by making resolutions that are either sincere or made up on the spot at midnight. (I'll admit. Mine was the later.)

Ok, the holidays were GREAT. Like, "really, pretty much couldn't be any better" great.  I saw so many of the people I love, saw ONE day of snow in MN and realized why the saying "home is where the heart is" proves to be so annoyingly true. 

But, now I'm back in my city. And off to a running start.

Besides starting the new year off by sipping bubbly in the Hamptons (what is my life????!)......

(this is in Montauk...)

... and drinking a Bloody Mary to properly welcome in 2012 with this lady (aka one of my very favorite former co-workers from the MN State Fair)...

... I turned 26 by visiting Max Brenner's  gourmet chocolate-inspired restaurant with my Circle in the Square girls.

I felt eerily at home amongst the chocolate ceiling pipes and the thick, sweet smell of  candy in the air. Yes, I quickly flashed back to playing the gum-chewing Violet Beauregarde in "Willy Wonka in the Chocolate Factory" in Mrs. Bonde's 6th grade class. If only I'd been to this restaurant before I took on that role, I may have made an adjustment to the way I explored the chocolate river and life-sized gummy bears.... but, that's ancient history.

Something my 6th grade self definitely could not have enjoyed last night was this:

A "holy-hell-this-chocolate-cake batter-martini-is-so-good-I-can't-even-remember-the-name-of-it"-type drink.

'Twas amazing. And, so was the chocolate fondue we ended our meal with:

If you happen to be in the NYC area, stop here. Yes, it's a tourist trap, but it's the BEST kind of tourist trap. 

Besides these blog-worthy bits, here are a few other "kick-off to 2012" things worth sharing:

- Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick live a block over from me, and dine often at one of my favorite neighborhood restaurants. I'd probably become a stalker, but the restaurant (thank God) is not classified "inexpensive" therefore it's nearly impossible for me to hang around everyday waiting for Kevin to slide up to the bar. 

- Remember my old neighbor? The one who wore black, tight, Haines underwear whenever he cooked? Yeah, well, I miss him, too..... BUT, my upstairs neighbor has peaked my attention lately. I have never even laid eyes on the man, but he is THE loudest human being I've ever come in contact with. By the noises he makes through my ceiling, I'd guess he's either the thousand-pound man or has a peg-leg (although, he has to climb 5 flights of stairs, so neither is probably even possible). He clomps around day and night, falls down (or knocks the same pile of  encyclopedias over) every night before he goes to bed at 3 AM (!!) and straight-out sprints to the window every time a siren passes by our street. Annoying? YES. And, he's always home.... never leaves. Swear it. I'm so intrigued as to what his story is, and vow to find out soon. 

- I'm busy these days compiling cover letters, headshots, resumes and business cards to send to agencies. I decided I WILL find an agent in the coming months. Someone very smart once told me to verbally announce an intention and the universe will conspire to make it happen. So far, I believe it, so here's to this next step.

- I'm back at the background acting stuff -- working on "Law & Order: SVU" again tomorrow. AND, I have an exciting audition for a small speaking role in a short film on Saturday. Good vibes are appreciated :)

I'm definitely looking forward to 2012, and am sure all of you have wonderful, exciting, encouraging and inspiring things to look forward to as well.

Cheers to us all, and to whatever comes our way!

xo,

B